My Ex Took the Kids. What Can I Do?

When parents separate, arrangements for the children do not always fall neatly into place.

Sometimes one parent leaves with the children because they feel unsafe. In other situations, one parent takes the children and the other suddenly finds that calls are not being answered, time has stopped and they do not know when they will see their children again.

The next step depends on what has happened, whether there are already parenting orders in place and whether there are any safety concerns.

Is it kidnapping if I take my children somewhere safe?

This is a question people understandably worry about.

If you have just separated, there are no parenting orders in place and you feel unsafe around your former partner, you can leave the home and take the children with you.

Where you have genuine fears for your safety or the safety of the children, speaking with police may also be an appropriate first step.

That does not mean parenting arrangements should simply be left unresolved. Where it is safe to do so, you would generally still want to begin communicating with the other parent and working towards a parenting plan or parenting arrangements.

The aim is to make sure the children are safe while also establishing what ongoing time with each parent is going to look like.

What if my ex has taken the children?

If the situation is the other way around and your former partner has taken the children, normally the first step is to try to make contact.

That could be directly, or through a lawyer.

You might simply be asking for time with the children to recommence and trying to understand why it has stopped.

If the other parent is not responding, you have not seen the children for a period of time and you are unable to resolve the situation between yourselves, the next step may be commencing parenting proceedings in the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia.

That gives the parenting arrangements somewhere to be formally dealt with, rather than leaving one parent unsure when they will see the children again.

What if we already have parenting orders?

If parenting orders are already in place and the other parent is not following them, the situation is slightly different.

Where it is safe and appropriate, you would generally still start by trying to understand why the existing arrangements are not happening.

For example, if the other parent is withholding the child, you might contact them and ask why time has stopped.

There are also pre-action steps that may need to be followed, such as attempting to discuss the arrangements or attend mediation where it is safe to do so.

If the other parent continues to ignore the parenting orders and will not engage in those discussions, a contravention application can be filed with the court. The court can then consider whether the parenting orders have been contravened.

Try not to leave the arrangements in limbo

There can be very different reasons why children leave the family home with one parent.

Sometimes someone is responding to genuine safety concerns. Sometimes communication has broken down. Sometimes one parent simply stops facilitating the arrangements that had been in place.

Whatever has happened, the goal is to move from uncertainty towards parenting arrangements that are clear and safe.

That may begin with a conversation. It may involve lawyers or mediation. And where the situation cannot be resolved between the parents, it may require parenting proceedings.

The sooner you understand which situation you are dealing with, the easier it is to work out what the next step should be.