Can My Child Choose Which Parent They Live With?

One of the questions parents often ask during a separation is whether their child gets to decide which parent they live with.

The answer is not quite as simple as yes or no.

A child’s wishes can be taken into account when parenting arrangements are being considered, but those wishes are only one part of the picture. Their age and maturity, any domestic violence or conflict within the family, and the broader circumstances affecting the children can also matter when deciding what arrangements are in their best interests. Pasted text

Your child’s wishes matter, but they do not make the decision on their own

It can be tempting to think that once a child is old enough to have a strong opinion about where they want to live, that preference becomes the parenting arrangement. In practice, their wishes are considered alongside the broader circumstances of the family. The child’s age and maturity may be relevant, as can domestic violence, conflict within the relationship and the other factors affecting what arrangements are in their best interests.

How does the Court find out what a child wants?

If a parenting matter is before the Court, the child’s views can be gathered through an independent person such as a family report writer or child consultant.

A formal report can then provide the Court with information about the child’s views and the circumstances surrounding them. Pasted text

This is an important distinction. The child is not simply being asked to make the legal decision between their parents.

The aim is to understand their views as one part of the broader family picture.

Where does a Child Impact Report fit in?

A Child Impact Report is one way the Court can get a clearer understanding of what is happening within a family.

It is prepared by a child expert. Both parents can be interviewed and, where it is appropriate for their age, the children may also be interviewed.

The report can consider any risk issues and provide recommendations about how time arrangements may proceed.

What about an Independent Children’s Lawyer?

In some Court matters, an Independent Children’s Lawyer, usually referred to as an ICL, may also be appointed.

The ICL acts independently of the parents’ lawyers and provides the Court with information relating to the children’s best interests. Melody explains that they can be particularly useful in higher-conflict matters and where the views of older children need to be brought into the Court process.

Again, this is not about putting the responsibility for the decision onto the child. It is about making sure the child’s circumstances and views can be understood independently.

What if you are not in Court?

Children’s views can still form part of the discussion when parents are resolving their matter outside Court.

Melody explains that their wishes may be explored through mediation or a collaborative process, and a child psychologist may also be involved. Pasted text

For parents, the useful question is often not simply, “Who does my child want to live with?”

It is how their views can be heard without asking them to carry the responsibility of deciding the parenting arrangements themselves.

Trying to work out parenting arrangements that take your child’s views into account?

Book a complimentary 15-minute consultation with Wallen Family Law to understand how children’s wishes may be considered and what options are available for your family.

This article provides general information only and should not be relied upon as legal advice. Every family law matter is unique and requires specific legal guidance.