Understanding Attachment & Routine

with Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer at Wallen Family Law

When parents of very young children separate, one of the most important considerations is how to maintain a stable and nurturing routine.

Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer at Wallen Family Law, explains that arrangements for infants and toddlers look very different from those for school-aged children. “At this stage of development, a child’s sense of safety comes from predictability, comfort and attachment to their primary caregiver,” she says. “It’s not about equal time — it’s about the right time for the child.”

Why Routine and Attachment Matter

Family law in Australia places the best interests of the child at the centre of every decision. For very young children, that means prioritising attachment and routine.

“Children under three rely heavily on consistency,” Melody explains. “They can experience distress if their routine changes too often, or if they spend long stretches away from their primary attachment figure. That doesn’t mean the other parent is less important — it simply means the time together needs to be structured in a way that supports the child’s emotional security.”

She adds that parenting arrangements often evolve as the child grows. “What’s appropriate for a six-month-old will look very different by the time they’re in preschool. The key is to keep reviewing and adapting as developmental needs change.”

A Gradual and Age-Appropriate Approach

Melody often encourages a gradual increase in time with the non-primary carer as the child becomes older and more confident.

“We recognise the importance of both parents playing a meaningful role,” she says. “We usually recommend a step-by-step approach — shorter, frequent visits at first, moving towards overnight time and longer block periods of time as the child’s emotional and practical readiness develops.”

This approach allows children to build trust and familiarity in both households while preserving their need for stability and comfort.

When Parents Disagree

Disagreements about parenting time for young children are common and often come from good intentions on both sides. “Parents may have different ideas about what’s ‘fair,’ but the Court looks at what’s best for the child’s wellbeing — not what’s equal for the adults,” Melody says.

She notes that expert evidence, such as family reports or child development advice, can help clarify what’s suitable for a particular child’s age and developmental needs.

The Value of Early Legal Guidance

Understanding what the Court considers appropriate at each stage helps avoid unnecessary conflict. “We can guide parents to reach age-appropriate agreements through negotiation or mediation, without rushing into litigation,” Melody says. “That gives families space to adapt naturally as the child grows.”

At Wallen Family Law, the team works with empathy and structure to help parents build practical, child-focused arrangements. “Our table is round,” Melody explains. “We listen to your concerns and work towards a solution that meets the child’s emotional, developmental and relational needs.”

Quick Answers

Why are parenting arrangements different for young children?
Because infants and toddlers rely on secure attachment and routine. Their wellbeing depends on short, predictable transitions rather than long separations.

Can the other parent still build a strong relationship?
Yes. Regular, consistent time — even in shorter visits — supports bonding without disrupting the child’s routine.

When do overnight stays usually start?
This depends on the child’s age, development and comfort level. Overnight time is often introduced gradually as the child grows.

Will these arrangements change as my child gets older?
Yes. Parenting orders can be reviewed or updated to reflect a child’s changing needs, particularly around school age.

What if we can’t agree?
A Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) process or mediation can help. If agreement still isn’t possible, the Court will determine arrangements based on the child’s best interests.

From Melody

“Parenting orders for young children should never be one-size-fits-all. Every child’s developmental stage matters. With the right guidance, it’s possible to create arrangements that nurture stability, support both parents’ relationships, and protect what’s most important — your child’s sense of security.”

– Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer, Wallen Family Law