How We Take Control and Our Experience Dealing with These Types of Ex-Partners

with Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer at Wallen Family Law

Separation from a partner who displays traits of narcissism or coercive control can be one of the most challenging situations in family law.

These matters often involve power imbalances, manipulation, or emotional and financial control — and require a steady, strategic legal approach.

Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer at Wallen Family Law, says these dynamics are more common than people realise.
“Clients often come to us feeling exhausted, intimidated, or doubting their own reality,” she explains. “Our role is to help them regain control — both legally and emotionally — by putting structure, boundaries and protection in place.”

Understanding Coercive Control

Coercive control refers to a pattern of behaviour designed to dominate or isolate another person.

It can include:

• Monitoring communications or finances

• Controlling social contact or movement

• Intimidation, threats, or persistent criticism

• Withholding money, affection, or access to children

• Manipulating legal or court processes to maintain control

“In family law, this behaviour often continues after separation,” Melody says. “That’s why it’s essential to have a lawyer who understands these patterns — so we can identify them early and protect you from further harm.”

Our Approach to High-Conflict Personalities

At Wallen Family Law, Melody and her team use calm, evidence-based strategies to manage matters involving narcissistic or controlling ex-partners.

“We don’t engage in their chaos,” she says. “We create a plan that reduces their opportunities for control. That might mean using written communication only, setting clear timelines for responses, and ensuring court orders leave no room for ambiguity.”

Their process focuses on reducing emotional triggers while keeping progress steady.
“Our table is round,” Melody explains. “That means we bring calm and structure to situations that feel unpredictable. Every step we take is intentional — designed to protect you, reduce risk, and move things forward.”

Protecting Yourself Legally and Practically

Melody emphasises that these cases often need layered protection — both through the family law system and, where necessary, through domestic violence orders.

“If there are patterns of intimidation, stalking, or threats, we can help you apply for an Apprehended Domestic Violence Order (ADVO) or equivalent protection,” she explains. “At the same time, we structure your family law matter — whether parenting or property — so that your ex’s opportunities for ongoing manipulation are limited.”

This might include:

• Orders for communication to occur only in writing or through parenting apps

• Clearly defined parenting arrangements and changeover procedures

• Financial settlements that reduce dependence or shared control

• Protective mechanisms such as Watchlist orders or injunctions where needed

How We Support You Through the Process

“These clients need more than just legal documents — they need clarity and a steady advocate,” Melody says.
Her team works closely with counsellors, psychologists, and financial advisors to support clients through the emotional and practical impacts of separation from a coercive or narcissistic partner.

“Our role is to take the emotion out of their tactics,” she adds. “We focus on facts, patterns, and evidence — not arguments. When your ex thrives on reaction, the most powerful response is calm progress.”

Quick Answers

What is coercive control?
A repeated pattern of behaviour that isolates, intimidates, or dominates another person — emotionally, financially, or psychologically.

Can I get legal protection from coercive behaviour?
Yes. You can apply for an ADVO or equivalent, and your lawyer can seek specific orders in parenting or property proceedings to protect your safety.

How does Wallen Family Law handle narcissistic ex-partners?
By using clear communication boundaries, firm procedures, and strategic planning to remove opportunities for manipulation.

Can mediation still work in these cases?
Sometimes — but only with appropriate safeguards. In high-control cases, we often recommend shuttle mediation or lawyer-assisted negotiation to ensure your safety and balance of power.

What’s the most important first step?
Seek advice early. The right legal framework protects your safety, stabilises communication, and limits further emotional harm.

From Melody

“When you’ve lived with coercive control or a narcissistic partner, separation can feel like another battlefield. Our job is to calm the noise, protect your safety, and create a structured path forward. We help you regain control — legally, emotionally, and practically — so you can rebuild your life with confidence.”

– Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer, Wallen Family Law