with Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer at Wallen Family Law

When parents separate, one of the most common questions is how much weight the Court gives to what the child wants.

Many parents worry that their child will be forced to choose sides — or that the other parent might influence what they say.

Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer at Wallen Family Law, says it’s a delicate balance. “The Court listens to children, but it doesn’t place the entire decision on their shoulders,” she explains. “Children’s views are important, but they’re only one of many factors the Court considers.”

How Children’s Views Are Heard

Children don’t give evidence directly in family law proceedings, and they aren’t expected to appear in court.

Instead, their views are usually gathered through a Family Report prepared by a court-appointed family consultant, or through an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) if one has been appointed.

“The family consultant meets with both parents and the children to understand what’s happening in their lives,” Melody explains. “They then provide a report to the Court about the child’s relationships, their expressed wishes, and what arrangements appear to be in their best interests.”

These reports are a key source of independent insight, giving children a safe space to express their feelings without pressure or judgment.

Age and Maturity Matter

The weight given to a child’s wishes depends largely on their age, maturity and understanding.

“A 15-year-old’s views will naturally carry more weight than a five-year-old’s,” Melody says. “But even younger children can express meaningful insights — like wanting stability or consistency.”

The Court recognises that children’s preferences can also change over time. “Judges are careful to look at the context behind what a child says,” Melody adds. “Sometimes children express what they think will please one parent, or what feels easier emotionally at the time.”

Balancing Wishes with Best Interests

While children’s views are important, they’re not the deciding factor. The Court must ultimately make orders based on what is in the child’s best interests overall.

That includes considerations such as safety, emotional wellbeing, parental capacity, and the benefit of maintaining relationships with both parents.

“The Court looks at the whole picture,” Melody explains. “It asks: what arrangement best supports this child’s stability and development — not just what they say they want in the moment.”

In some cases, the Court may order gradual changes to reflect a child’s growing maturity, ensuring they’re supported rather than burdened by decision-making.

Helping Children Express Their Views Safely

Melody emphasises that children should never be placed in the middle of parental conflict.

“It’s really important that parents don’t question children directly about their preferences,” she says. “That puts them in an impossible position. The right way is through independent professionals who can interpret what’s said in context.”

Wallen Family Law often works with psychologists, child consultants and family therapists to help ensure children are heard in an appropriate and supported way.

“When handled well, children feel seen and respected without carrying the weight of adult decisions,” Melody explains.

Quick Answers

Does the Court ask my child who they want to live with?
No. Children don’t give evidence directly. Their views are gathered through a Family Report or Independent Children’s Lawyer.

At what age can a child decide where they want to live?
There’s no set age. The Court considers maturity and understanding, not just age. Older teenagers’ wishes are given greater weight.

Will the Court follow what my child says?
Not automatically. The Court considers their views alongside all other factors affecting their best interests.

Can I tell the Court what my child wants?
You can share your understanding, but independent professionals must speak to the child directly. Parents shouldn’t influence or coach their children.

How can my child’s voice be heard safely?
Through a Family Report, child consultant, or Independent Children’s Lawyer — professionals trained to listen neutrally and respectfully.

From Melody

“Children’s voices matter, but so does their protection from adult conflict. The Court’s job — and ours — is to make sure they’re heard safely, respectfully, and always with their best interests at heart.”

– Melody van der Wallen, Principal Lawyer, Wallen Family Law